The Subtle Hypocrisy

of Being a Female Entrepreneur

You started a business so you could be in charge.

Put your ideas in the world.

Not answer to anyone.

You wanted to claim your own future.

Make your own money.

Build a life for yourself.

Be the boss.

And now…

Now you are.

You are the boss.

The dream morphed from idea to reality.

In so many ways it’s amazing.

You’re making the money.

Making the decisions.

Forging forward.

And yet…

Despite being in charge.

Being the boss.

Designing a business for your own goals and vision…

You too frequently render yourself helpless in your own life and business.

You blame other people for how you feel.

You blame your team members for disrupting your emotions.

You make other people wrong in your head and therefore become a victim to their advice, their needs or their recommendations.

You develop a condition called ‘learned helplessness’.

“In psychology, learned helplessness is a state that occurs after a person has repeatedly experienced a stressful situation. They believe they cannot control or change the situation, so they do not try, even when opportunities for change are available.”

It’s likely something so insidious that you don’t realize it.

Most women entrepreneurs I know would use anything other than ‘helpless’ to describe themselves.

But…. we’re all conditioned from the time we’re young to blame our circumstances on others…

We aren’t taught to take responsibility for all of it.

Even the shit that goes wrong.

Even the crappy emotions we have to wrangle.

Even the results we don’t want.

How you feel is not their fault.

How you live is not their fault.

How you are is not their fault.

You mood.

Your temperament.

Your hopefulness.

Your exhaustion.

Your frustration.

Your overwhelmed

Your joy.

None of it is because of anyone else.

Not without your permission conscious or not.

It is all because of your own brain and how it (you) decides to position yourself within the circumstances of your life and business.

And until you recognize this.

And choose personal agency despite how wretched the circumstances are… you will continue to position yourself as ‘helpless’ in the very world you created.

You started a business so you could be in control.

And the very thing you say you want is the very thing you continue to abdicate to people you hardly know, doing things you’d never expect…

Aside from pointing it out to you I have two more things to say.

Start to notice when you perseverate on how much you need other people to change in order for you to feel better or in order for you to (insert action)…

Then… stop it, reframe it and ask yourself, what is within my direct circle of control right now to make an impact or make another choice? You likely won’t like the option, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take it.

And…

This is a solvable issue.

You do not have to spend your entire entrepreneurial existence feeling like you are powerless and helpless to the choices of others.

But if you want that then there is a helluva lot more you’re also going to have to take ownership of… and in my experience not everyone of us is willing to accept that type of ownership.

Why?

Because ownership is often interpreted as ‘blame’.

And blame is NOT OWNERSHIP.

Blame is an accusation and denotes fault or negative intention.

Ownership is a posture of professionalism and self-responsibility. We do and say a lot of things and have no negative intention… but that doesn’t change that things happen we wish wouldn’t. If you only accept responsibility for those things you meant to do and those things that happen the way you wanted, then you’re really eliminating your own personal power from half of your life and your experiences.

Once you realize that you have ownership over everything that you choose to do, say, feel and be… no matter what the circumstances (which you have very little control over)… you set yourself free … you embrace the very real gift of entrepreneurship…

Freedom. Personal, professional, time, energy, and financial freedom.

To feel and experience anything else in your business, as the owner / founder means you are assuming the role of a victim in the very thing you built. You are not accepting ownership you are practicing learned helplessness.

The way out, is to invest in your own agency.

Never, ever underestimate the power of a well-resourced woman… and the first personal resource you must develop if you are to live a life of freedom, is a personal belief that curates personal ownership… no matter what.

Only then can you develop the other principles of personal resource…

The question is…

What are you willing to stop believing that perpetuates the pattern of helplessness in your business… and even in your life?